Why All This Sorrow?

I had a sweet, tear-filled evening with an old old and very godly
friend from our home church. He caught me up on his life since his
wife of 55 years died. 3 summers ago when we were back she'd just
been diagnosed with Lou Gehrig's disease - like Parkinsons but really
debilitating and for which there is no cure. We saw them again 2
summers ago and prayed together, knowing that it would be the last
time we saw her. She died before we got back this last summer, but I
haven't had a chance to see him until last night. I played for him
the Five for Fighting song "100 Years." Did you read about how i found
that on Tyler's 15th birthday last weekend? If you haven't heard it,
have a listen. It's posted on YouTube.

Two nights ago I finally made connection with a counselor. I've felt
like i need some professional guidance to process something. Divine
guidance led me to who I should talk to about it, so we've set a date
for next Wednesday. If you've been reading my blogs, then you may
have come across me writing about this mysterious deep sadness that
has settled over me this past year. I cry nearly everyday, multiple
times a day sometimes, and often don't know the reason, except for
the ills of the world, and wishing that we could be in heaven where
Christ is king and sin and it's results are gone. The regular flowing
of tears for me is like a dam has broken. I hadn't sentimentally
cried for over 20 years. Since college years, my tears, when I'd
break down and get emotional, was usually over something I was very
angry about (this made it difficult as an acting student, then an
actor. I couldn't cry naturally when i was being myself, let alone as
another character).

Now I'm just a puddle. A sap. But even when I don't know why exactly
I'm crying it somehow feels like I'm purging something in my soul.
Washing some deep seated grief away. Which seems kinda crazy when for
all external circumstances, my life really couldn't be more perfect.
I'm really happy with where I am. My kids are great. I adore my
husband who loves me back. So why all this sorrow? It's very weird. I
woke up again last night in the middle of the night and once awake
began to cry. I'd think I'd cried enough and could go back to sleep
and would start again. It went on for 2 1/2 hours. I went out to the
couch so that my sobbing wouldn't wake Jim. It seems very strange. I
came across Psalm 77 the other day and found comfort in the ancient
poetry. It would seem that Asaph went through something just like me....