Jesus said that the greatest commandment was to "love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength and with all your mind" (from the Old Testament, Jewish law in Deuteronomy). All these years I've been loving him with my soul, strength and mind, but my heart was kind of dead. These past couple years I've been on this healing process. Listening to songs where the lyrics are about his unfailing love (a playlist on my itunes!), reading the Psalms and knowing it's okay to doubt or be frustrated in not understanding the messes in this world, but that the Psalmist always comes back to reaffirming his trust in the "Almighty God." I've done a wonderful Bible study with some other women called "Breaking Free," these have all been steps to bring healing and find His perspective on the past. Yes, my heart has been dead, but this year i feel like it is coming back to life.
I've had some great conversations with older women who are also following Jesus. I even had a couple of great counseling sessions, and had a chance for some people to pray what is called "healing prayer" for me. These tears of mine are making up for lost time! Washing away the hurts from so long ago, and reviving my absolute undoubting trust in the goodness of God and his care for me. I imagine that this Easter (and doing the Lenten devotions I mentioned in our last enews) is going to be such a time of repentence for me - in light of the cross, how could I have ever doubted his love for me when he did that?
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